Why am I like this?

The blogs we share are intended to give insight, raise awareness, bring comfort and inspire you. They have been written by a variety of people covering a range of topics to give different perspectives. We hope you enjoy reading them and that their experiences, feelings and advice will help you to continue growing, loving yourself and reaching out in kindness to others.

Why am I like this?

By Amelia Caffull 

I'm Millie. I'm 24 years old and in full time work as Communications Manager, but my real passion is writing. In particular, writing about my thoughts and feelings on body positivity, food attitudes, health and wellness based off my experience of an eating disorder that started when I was 19.

A thought occurred to me throughout November 2018… Conscious that I have a lot of blogs written in my head but not published on here, I thought why not do a sort of blog advent calendar. Commit to posting a blog every day in December up to Christmas. It would be a great way to get back into it and take the pressure off the quality of the blogs a bit, encouraging me to just get my thoughts down on paper (or laptop).

Well, here we are. It’s the 7th December, so that went well didn’t it?

It’s at times like these when I want to look at myself in the mirror and shout “WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS?”

The same thought came up recently when I had a conversation with some running friends about how little we do to prevent injuries. We all know that strength exercises, using a foam roller and stretching can help to prevent injury, but do we do them? No. Definitely not.

But I love running, so why would I allow that to be put into jeopardy just because I can’t be bothered to do a few stretches after I run? I know how absolutely gutted I would to not be able to run, even for just a few weeks. So why won’t I do all I can to prevent getting injured?

It’s a strange thing about humans, I think. I recognise it in other aspects of my life and I know it’s not just me. We’ve all been guilty of not taking our make up off before bed when we get in late, leaving an essay or assignment until the last minute, maybe not giving ourselves enough sleep or taking a nap to avoid a task.

I think the reality of it, especially for me, is just a bit of laziness sprinkled with not caring enough and being arrogant. I don’t think I’m going to get injured. For some reason I think that, even though I’ve been injured many times before, it won’t happen again and it doesn’t really matter that I don’t stretch. I’ve avoided an assignment because actually I’m worried that once I confront it I won’t be able to do it, or actually I’d just much rather switch my brain off and watch make up videos.

In life you make time for the things that you really want to do. You make an effort for the things that matter.

So, acknowledging my sheer disregard for taking care of my poor legs that I work so hard, I’ve decided to try implementing a few things into my life:

  1. Try my best at everything, and always ask myself if I’m doing the best for me and others.
  2. If the answer is no, ask if there is a way to make it more interesting or relevant to me.
  3. Don’t be too hard on myself if I do/don’t do something.

Instead of stretching after running, I could do a 10 minute yoga flow which, to me, sounds a lot more appealing. Maybe I’ll take myself to my favourite coffee shop to write my assignment. Whilst hoovering I might play some good music and have a little party. But if I don’t get those things done, there is no value in worrying about it or being hard on myself. And in fact, being easier on myself makes me more willing to do those things. We all know it’s a lot harder to do something we’re told we HAVE to do!

I guess my point is that we should all strive to be the best versions of ourselves, and sometimes we have to suck it up and do things we find boring, and actually there are ways to make them less boring. But also, we don’t have to be angry at ourselves for not getting things done… being frustrated is actually counterproductive, and it’s totally normal to procrastinate or avoid those menial chores.

So I’m not going to be annoyed at myself when I don’t submit anymore blog posts this month… but I’m going to try my best to post as many as I can!

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